


I Wont Mind

by jbums



Series: Change My Mind and I Won't Mind [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, larry - Freeform, side larry - Freeform, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 06:45:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4909339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbums/pseuds/jbums
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What really happened to Zayn and Liam. Prequel to Change My Mind or previously known as Are you sleeping baby by yourself...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wont Mind

**Author's Note:**

> you don't have to read this in order, i mean it's a prequel. You can start here and then read the oneshot that goes on about events post this oneshot. Or you can start with the "after" and read what caused all that drama. Your choice!! I hope you enjoy either way! (:
> 
> Disclaimer: Characters are not mine! They are real people that I do not own! This is all pure fiction!

Liam still remembers the first time he felt Zayn's lips pressed against his. He still remembers the taste of a lingering cigarette mixed with a hint of mint. Liam thinks the boy had chewed up a piece of gum before he had Liam pinned up against a wall. He bites his lip thinking about that moment, the moment that started many others. 

Zayn had been staring at him all night, making Liam shoot back looks of confusion. They had ran off stage finishing up another date on the American leg of their tour. Liam's shirt was already off of him, tired of the way it clung to his skin due to the sweat dripping off of him. He didn't know that behind him Zayn was looking him up and down licking his dry lips. 

While wiping off the sweat from his chest and forehead Zayn had appeared in front of Liam with dark brown eyes, not the hazel ones he was familiar with. "What's up Zee? You okay?" he asks not knowing what to make of the serious yet almost desperate expression.

Zayn doesn't answer though, he just steps closer to him, so close Liam's chest touches his and he can feel Zayn taking in long breaths trying to steady the beat of his fast pacing heart. Liam likes to think all of the times Zayn has looked at him fondly, touched him almost lovingly led up to this moment. Him and Zayn had always been really close, they were similar to Louis and Harry, except a lot less exaggerated. Liam doesn't move at all once Zayn is pressed up against him, as well as the wall. The dark haired boy must've taken that as a sign because his face inched closer to Liam and in seconds his lips were on Liam's. They were soft, plump but also very wet. It wasn't perfect because Liam's lips were pretty dry and frozen in place. But as cheesy as it sounds Liam couldn't ask for anyone else to be kissing him in that moment. 

He wasn't sure how he felt for Zayn, he knew the boy was dangerously attractive, so attractive he could use it to manipulate people, to use people. But Zayn was incredibly nice, amazing and loving to Liam, he was something new. Once they kissed, Liam had felt like everything made sense for once. He knew he liked Zayn, he really really liked Zayn. And he wondered if Zayn has liked him this whole time and Liam not surprisingly was oblivious to it all. His thoughts get dragged away from him as Zayn's lips pull themselves away from Liam's. 

"I like you Liam.." he says softly. 

The other boy swallows thickly, feeling like his throat was closing. His heart starts to pick up to match the beating of Zayn's and Liam doesn't know why he's about to bring her up but he does. "I thought you loved Perrie," he says looking at Zayn with his wide brown eyes. 

"Liam, this isn't about her, or about her and I. It's about us."

"Us?" Liam says shocked because he didn't know there was an "us" to them. He knew they became so close they weren't Zayn and Liam, they started to become ZaynandLiam, they started to mold into one person almost. 

"Come on Liam, all the boy's have known how long i've liked you, you couldn't have been that clueless," he says. And Liam can tell Zayn's getting a tad bit frustrated because he starts to run his hand through his hair and his eyes start to dart across the room. 

"I-I guess I was, but Zee," he says trying to get Zayn's eyes to focus on him. Once the boy's hazel eyes meet his own he sends him a small smile,"I'm not against the idea of us." 

That's all Zayn needed to hear before he was gripping at Liam's hips and pressing their lips together. Their tongues touched and swirled in each others mouths, licking at every crevice and exploring boundaries marked 'no trespassing'. Liam moaned into the other boy's mouth as Zayn's fingers traveled over his abs, across his chest, and down his back, as he melted at the touch. A few minutes later, and Liam could say that was the first time he's ever gotten a blowjob in his dressing room, as well a give one. He felt a rush of excitement mixed with fear at the thought of getting caught by one of the boys or their team. Liam was always a good kid, and he's never done something like this without it being in a bedroom and it made him feel alive. Being with Zayn made him feel good, it always did, but being with Zayn like this, made him feel something he hadn't felt in a long time, he felt alive. 

Ever since that moment, Liam started to notice the flashy grins Zayn sent his way, as well as the fond looks and heart eyes. He noticed how Zayn's touch burned into his skin, leaving his whole body heated and begging for more. They never talked about Perrie when they were alone, in fact they didn't talk much now in days, they were too busy letting their mouths work in other ways. Everyday it was somewhere new with them, some places Liam would classify as unsanitary but Zayn reassured him he'd be okay. 

"Zayn! Heard you were rooming with Payno, I thought we were supposed to?" Louis asks bumping his shoulder against the boy's. 

"I changed my mind, plus Harry said he wouldn't mind rooming with you, obviously."

Louis rolls his eyes,"Were not even talking right now."

Zayn sighs laying down in their mystery van covered in blankets and a few pillows,"What now?"

"Don't say that like we fight all the time!" Louis frowns kicking at Zayn's body laying next to him. Zayn wants to tell him that they do, so much he was starting to wonder why they were even together. However, he knows better to start up that conversation with Louis. 

"Okay, okay, but what's the issue? Did you want me to switch?" He asks looking up at Louis.

The boy shakes his head,"Nope, I want to know what's up with you two. It's like you can't stop being around each other."

Zayn shrugs,"We've just been bonding, does it bother you?" 

"No, was just curious," Louis says and surprisingly the boy doesn't pry anymore into Zayn's life. 

"So, you and Harry? What's up?" Zayn says poking at Louis' thigh with his finger.

Louis lets out a deep exaggerated sigh,"I just feel like I don't see him anymore. When were on break he's usually in L.A. with friends and I get that. He's charming as hell no wonder he has so many. He invites me, but it's not like we can be seen together, so it's just pointless for me to fly there just to do what we do in London. I think i'm going to need some time to myself," Louis says running a hand through his hair. 

Zayn rolls his eyes, because that's definitely not the first time he's heard that before. The first time he did, he was very worried and concerned for the pair. Now, it's been said so much from both sides him that the others just overlook it. Harry and Louis were complicated, might always be, but they loved each other that's for sure. Zayn thinks that has to be the reason why they alway break up then run back into each others arms. If you didn't love someone you wouldn't keep trying to make things work, you'd just let things fall. He really hopes that Harry and Louis don't let something like that ever happen to them, he hopes they'll always run back to each other, hopes they'll never have to run from each other at all. 

He realizes he hasn't answered Louis when he hears a snapping sound next to his ear. He shakes his head,"My bad. But yeah, maybe. In the end, you'll work it out." 

Louis shrugs smiling small,"Don't we always," but it comes out more like a whisper, like it wasn't made for Zayn to hear. It was like Louis was trying to convince himself that they would again, rather than know that they will. Zayn leaves it alone, he doesn't want to upset Louis, then he'll never be able to get out of this mystery machine, and he was already aching at the thought of rooming with Liam. 

Later that day, the boys arrive at their hotel. They had to push past tons of fans screaming their names and reaching out for them. Paddy and the few other security guards just pushed the boys along, not allowing them to stop for pictures or autographs. When they're finally in the elevator, Zayn glances over at Liam while the others are looking straight ahead. Catching his attention, Liam looks over at Zayn next to him and shoots back a grin. For a few days they were staying in the tour bus, which meant having to be very sneaky. Some days Louis would want to sleep in the mystery machine, but he hated sleeping alone, and he refused to let anyone else in but Zayn. That took away more time that he wanted spent with Liam. Now that they were rooming together, it was going to be ZaynandLiam, no one else can interrupt. 

The boys part their ways going into separate rooms and once the door closes behind Liam and Zayn, the darker haired boy had the other pressed up firmly against the wall. "I've wanted you so bad Li," he says against the boy's skin. 

Liam shivers as he feels Zayn's hand run up and down his back,"Have me then." 

Those words instantly shoot straight down to Zayn's partly hard erection. He pulls Liam by his shirt before pushing him gently onto the bed. Zayn crawls to Liam, hovering over his body, his hands instantly flying to the boy's shirt pulling it off of him and throwing it across the room. His hands run themselves along Liam's abs, Zayn always admired the boy's body, he was fit, and every ab was sculptured perfectly by all the hours of working out Liam put forth. He leans his head down running his tongue along the happy trail at the bottom of his stomach. Not taking anytime Zayn unbuttons Liam's pants and tugs them down along with the boy's briefs. He smirks as he sees the length in front of him,"What do you want Li?" He asks eyes glistening with lust.

Liam swallows because Zayn always liked him vocal and loud, especially when no one was supposed to hear them. His hands grip at the covers,"I want your mouth," he says softly. 

Zayn grins at that as he places his hand at the base of Liam's penis. He starts to pump, flicking his wrist to achieve the long, deep moans parting from Liam's lips. In no time Zayn takes Liam's head into his mouth, he starts by running his tongue on the slit, tasting the faintness of precum. Next Zayn's lips envelop the head, sinking down lower, he takes in inch by inch. Liam's moans are caught in his throat, making him spew out choked sounds. Raising his eyes to meet Liam's brown ones staring back at him lustfully. Keeping eye contact Zayn starts to bob his head very slowly, almost tauntingly. Liam's fingers grip at the covers, making his knuckles turn white as he lets out a long moan, this one much louder and much more desperate. 

Zayn's picks up the pace but is stopped suddenly by a knocking at the door. Liam's eyes grow wide, but Zayn doesn't take his mouth off of Liam. Instead he waves the knocking off with his freehand, going back to bobbing his head at the previous pace. But the knocking doesn't stop; in fact it gets more persistent as the person gets more impatient. 

Liam's eyes go wider and he looks from Zayn to the door,"Zee answer," he whispers back.

Zayn however shakes his head, not budging from his place on the bed and his mouth on Liam's cock. 

"Zayn! Liam! Answer the door please," and it's Louis, sounding very desperate and even a little broken. That makes the dark-haired boy get up and off the bed instantly, watching as Liam struggles to pull on his underwear and pants. Before opening the door Zayn spots Liam's shirt and throws it at him, he prays Louis can't hear the franticness behind the closed door. 

"Why didn't you guys answer?" Louis says annoyed looking at Zayn with glassy eyes. And Louis doesn't cry, at least not around Niall, Liam and himself, he's sure Harry has seen it more times than they have. So when Zayn notices the wetness piling up at the bottom of the boy's eyes he knows its something serious.

"Lou, what's up?" He says opening the door wider for the boy. He notices that Louis has his duffle bags in both hands, as the boy walks in.

He shrugs shaking his head, eyes still watery from unshed tears,"We broke up. For good this time..." 

Liam's eyes furrow as he looks back at Zayn walking towards them. Louis sits down on the slightly messed up bed Liam and Zayn were just on. "How do you know?" Liam asks sitting beside Louis hoping to comfort him in someway. 

Louis squeezes his eyes shut making tears slide down his cheeks uncontrollably, one right after the other. Opening them again, Louis bites his lip looking at Liam,"He said he was tired Liam. He said he was done trying to make things work with me. Can you believe that?" he questions.

Zayn shakes his head,"No, no, you guys will work things out. You always do," and he doesn't know why but he feels like crying along with Louis because that just wasn't how Louis and Harry worked. They were meant for each other, they were LouisandHarry, HarryandLouis, it's been like that for years now, no one knows any other way. 

"I don't think so Zayn. Harry and I have been messy and unhealthy from the start, b-but we've never just let go of each other like that. He doesn't want me anymore," and Louis' sobbing now, full on making horrific noises as tears spill out of his eyes. Zayn nor Liam have ever seen the boy so broken before, Louis wouldn't allow himself to ever be that way in front of them if he truly wasn't. 

Liam sighs,"I'm sure it isn't that. How about I go talk to him. You can room with Zayn okay?" 

Louis nods sniffing,"Thanks Liam." 

Zayn makes a face at Liam clearly upset but the boy ignores it. As he passes by Zayn he whispers in his ear,"I'll make it up to you. I promise." 

And then he's out the door and Zayn's sitting beside Louis on the bed hugging the boy close to him."When did I get so pathetic Zayn? This isn't me," he says shaking his head.

"Everyone cries Louis."

"Not me though. Word of advice Zayn, things with you and Perrie are simple, don't screw that up. I'd kill to have a relationship as easy as yours, once something is complicated, it stays complicated," Louis says pulling away from Zayn and crawling into the other bed,"Take it from me. I know complicated better than anyone else." 

Zayn's eyebrows furrow at the thought, and maybe he shouldn't have thought about it too hard, because Louis and Harry weren't like all other relationships. But he couldn't help but think about how things with Liam were easy, but they couldn't always be that easy, not when he was with Perrie. God, he was with Perrie, how could he be doing this to her, to Liam. A wave of guilt rushes over his body and Zayn almost feels like crying himself, because things might not be complicated right now, but they will be. 

The next morning Zayn wakes up to the sound of rapid knocking and an empty bed next to him. He gets up stretching his limbs along with rubbing his eyes tiredly. He opens the door to see Liam standing there one minute then pinning him against the wall the next. Zayn looks at him wide eyed,"Um..."

Liam grins,"I said I'd make it up to you didn't I?" 

Zayn nods smirking down at the boy before his thoughts from last night come rushing back to him. 

Liam catches the boy's change in demeanor, "What's wrong?" He asks brows furrowed.

Zayn swallows looking down at the ground, he hates what he's about to say, and he hates that he knows he's about to hurt Liam. A frown makes it's away onto his face,"I can't keep doing this Liam..."

Liam pulls away in shock,"What?" He says not sure he heard correctly.

"I'm with Perrie, and this is just wrong..." he says shaking his head.

The boy nods his head as he rubs the back of his neck,"No, yeah I um, I get that. This shouldn't have even happened in the first place."

Zayn sighs because he knows Liam is hurting, no matter how much he's trying to cover it up, he's hurting. He's also trying not to hurt Zayn, but it's too late because Zayn has been hurting since last night. He wishes a little that Liam would just tell him off already, instead of sparing his feelings. He knows now that Liam is definitely a better person than himself and doesn't deserve a guy like him whatsoever. "Listen, Lia-" 

"No, it's okay. I just...you said you liked me Zayn," he says softly as his cheeks turn pink.

Zayn nods pushing himself off the wall,"I do, Liam I have for a long time. But I love Perrie," he says running a hand through his hair. 

He nods,"Yeah okay. Can we just go back to being best mates again?" 

Zayn cracks a smile,"Yeah, of course," he says pulling Liam into a hug.

But things don't go back to how they were, the whole dynamic of the boys have changed, Liam likes to think it's mostly because of Harry and Louis. They're sat together on stage before they start rehearsals for the show later today. Niall's the one that tries to break the ice, he feels the tension but everyone is lucky that he doesn't speak on it. 

"Stadiums huge isn't it?" he speaks up Irish accent thick and present.

Harry's next to talk,"Yeah, it'll be fun," but the way he says it doesn't sound like he's excited at all. Zayn can tell it's because of what happened between him and Louis. He wants to yell at the boys and tell them to makeup because it's obvious they're torn up about what happened. But then again, he's scared he'll be seen as a hypocrite because obviously he can't do that with Liam. Technically they're not fighting, but they're definitely not like how they used to be. 

"We should get started on rehearsals," Liam says softly getting up and stretching his limbs. The boys nod following along, and things go well until they start singing Don't Forget Where You Belong. 

Louis starts singing the chorus, looking directly into Harry's eyes,"Don't forget where you belong, L.A.," and he drags the city's name so it fits with the beat. All the boys stop immediately as they look between Harry and Louis. 

Harry shakes his head dropping his mic, "Fuck you Louis," he mutters.

The boy laughs but it's not genuine at all,"When did you get to be so cold?" And Zayn grimaces at the sound of Louis' voice breaking halfway. 

"When you started acting like I didn't love you!" 

"It's not my fault! What else am I supposed to think when my boyfriend would rather spend time in a city with friends than with me?" He ask stepping closer to Harry with glassy eyes.

Harry shakes his head,"Well you don't have to worry about that...you don't have a boyfriend anymore." 

Louis' voice hitches in his throat, and he can feel his cheeks burn with hate and embarrassment. Liam shakes his head"Harry..." he says softly with worried eyes.

Louis shakes his head looking at Liam,"It's okay, he's right. He's not my boyfriend anymore," and then he's walking away and Harry's doing the same but going in a different direction. 

Niall sighs before clapping his hands together looking between Liam and Zayn,"So who wants to hang out with Mark and I?"

The two boys look at each other,"Uh, I actually thought I'd do a bit of drawing, maybe some painting."

"Yeah and I was going to go work out, thanks though," Liam says patting the boy on the back.

Niall sighs and mummers under his breath, "I hate this band."

 

Zayn's pushing Liam hard against the door to wardrobe backstage. He begins kissing at the boy's lips roughly, before leading them down to his neck. He kisses Liam's birthmark on his neck, right against his adams apple. He sucks on the skin there before pulling it through his teeth. The two were always careful when it came to love bites, they didn't want the others suspecting anything. Zayn sometimes wishes they were back in 2012, when giving love bites to each other wouldn't phase one another. At this moment though, Zayn didn't care what year it was or what the boys would think in a few. All he knew was that he wanted to see his teeth indentations on Liam's neck. He wanted to see Liam's birthmark become overpowered by the red, purple and blue shades that he made. In a way he wasn't lying to Niall, he was painting; he was coloring the moaning mess underneath him with his lips.

He feels Liam's fingers dig into his skin and a soft, "Zayn," escape from his mouth. The boy continues to kiss and mark up his neck until he hears Liam speak up again,"W-what's changed?" he huffs out eyes still closed and fingers still pressed to Zayn's hip.

Running a hand through his thick black hair he shrugs,"I don't want us to become Louis and Harry, that's all."

"We wouldn't have...were mates," and Liam's not too sure if he's lying or just selling himself false hope.

"And so were they, or are. Listen, I want to still be your best mate, but we've already started something, something I think both of us don't want to stop. That in itself can destroy us." 

Liam nods getting it fully, because he can already see the fights happening due to Liam wanting something with Zayn, and Zayn wanting it to but fighting it. However, he can also see the fights happening if they drag this out more than it already is. Either way, Liam doesn't see this ending well, but he still wants it just as bad. He still wants Zayn, just as bad. 

 

They get caught for the first time. It's not ideal, if there was an ideal way to get caught shagging your bandmate. Liam and Zayn were naked, after another round of intense, tender touches and kisses. Liam was sharing a room with Louis this time instead of Zayn, not that it mattered since Louis decided to sleep on the tour bus. Of course hating going to sleep on there alone he dragged Zayn with him. It was around 12 in the morning when Liam heard the soft knocking at the door. The rebellious boy had defied Louis by sneaking out of the bus once the blue-eyed lad had fallen asleep. The next morning Louis had come back to his room, using the room key he had with him before he left to the bus. He didn't think much about Zayn not being on the bus when he woke up, but he surely didn't expect to see him in bed with Liam. 

"Liam! Wake up Li!" Louis shouts as he closes and locks the door behind him. Before he walks completely into the room he calls out for Liam again,"Liam!" 

He watches as the boy he called sits up off the bed tiredly along with another, but this one looking more shocked. 

"Zayn!" Louis says once the scene in front of him registers in his head. He looks over their bodies, seeing the covers barely covering up their naked waists. "You're sleeping together?!" He screeches feeling his head start to feel light. 

Zayn smiles small, almost grimacing, "Surprise?" And that just makes Liam's face heat up more than it already was, turing the boy cherry red. Louis shakes his head exiting the room, but comes back quicker than the boys thought he would with Niall, and Harry trudging behind him solemnly. Thankfully the two were able to hurriedly throw on their shirts and slip on their boxers.

Niall nods, eyes scanning over the two who are sat on the bed with their head down. He scoffs before letting out a chuckle,"That explains the love bites covered horridly by all that make up." 

Liam's jaw drops in shock,"You saw those?"

Niall nods laughing this time, much harder than before,"You're not slick Payno, i'm sorry."

Harry just looks at them shaking his head,"This won't end well," he mutters. 

Louis rolls his eyes,"Just because we ended doesn't mean they well." 

Harry shakes his head,"No, i'm saying that Perrie is still in the picture right?" Zayn nods head hung in shame. "See, won't end well."

Louis frowns agreeing with the boy,"I support you boys either way. Just keep the drama to a minimum." 

Zayn nods,"Will do. There's already enough in this band."

Liam looks up at the boys seeing all of their eyes on them,"What?" he asks tilting his head to the side.

Louis shrugs,"I feel like i'm seeing a whole new side to you Payno."

Harry nods as well coming up to Liam and feeling his forehead,"He feels normal."

Zayn rolls his eyes at Harry,"Just because he's sleeping with me doesn't mean he isn't himself," he says defensively.

Harry laughs softly,"I'm only joking." 

Liam clears his throat,"So um, can this intervention be over now or?" 

Niall looks at them curiously,"Wait?" They all stop to give him their attention. "Who tops?" 

Liam's face instantly heats up turning him a bright red,"Niall! That's private." 

The blonde lad shrugs,"My bad, I was curious. I thought we were all past that part in our friendship. I know a lot about these two and their sex life...or what was," he says casually pointing both of his thumbs at the once couple.

Louis awkwardly shifts from one foot to the other as Harry stuffs his hands into his pockets. Zayn decides to clear the tension between the two that Niall created,"No one tops Niall. We haven't done that yet." 

"Then what do you do?" Louis says in shock, looking up at them.

Liam swallows thickly,"Just things. Things not involving anal, now can you please leave. This is odd for me." 

Harry sees the desperateness in the boy's eyes and grabs Niall by the wrist,"Come on you curious leprechaun." Niall's face twists up in confusion as Louis laughs following the two out of the room.

Liam immediately falls back on the bed, letting out a deep sigh. Zayn copies his action, then turns to look at Liam,"That was a better reaction I ever imagined." And that makes Liam smile, because Zayn was always a bit more pessimistic than him, he always thought the worse rather than the best. So if he could see the good than Liam could too. But right now, all Liam could think about was how terrible this would end. It's like that thought would never escape from his mind, and all Harry did was heighten it. 

 

About a week later Zayn and Liam are rolling around on the couch, wrestling before Zayn stops to catch his breath. The boy runs a hand through his messed up quiff trying to fix it,"I have to tell you something Li, I probably should of told you before. So if you get angry I understand."

Liam swallows nervously,"What's going on Zayn...?" 

"Perrie is coming to see me later today and staying the night. So i'll be rooming with her," he says softly scanning the boy's face trying to read his emotions. 

Liam bites his lip trying to play off how hurt he actually feels. He knew he had no reason to be angry at Zayn or upset, because Zayn was never his to begin with. Whatever between them wasn't ever serious, so Liam put his feelings away and put on a smile instead. He shakes his head,"No, yeah, I completely get it," he nods.

Zayn looks at him once again trying to figure him out,"Alright, I'll make it up to you another time, okay?"

Liam nods,"Yeah, no problem. I'll just room with Harry and Niall can with Louis," he says getting off the couch they were just on. 

Zayn nods before checking his phone,"I actually should be heading to the airport now to pick her up." He slides the device in his pocket and walks up to the door that will lead him out of the tour bus,"See you." 

Liam sighs laying back on the couch rubbing a hand over his face. He felt the strange urge to cry, but he wouldn't let it overtake him. Zayn was spending one day with her, out of the many weeks Liam gets with him. He groans and rolls over on the couch so he's on his stomach. Why was he even sharing Zayn with someone else? The more Liam started to think about what he might mean to Zayn, and what they were actually doing, he got mad. He didn't quite know if it was at himself, at Zayn, or even at Perrie. All he knew was that he was angry, and jealous, and he didn't want to keep it in anymore. But Liam knows what type of guy he is, he's always the one to put other before himself. And his favorite person he loved doing that with, was Zayn. 

Interrupting Liam's thoughts Niall pops his head through the door,"Hey, wanna go for a run?" And he's very thankful the Irish lad asked him, because Liam was desperate to clear to his head.

Later that night as he lies in bed, the previous thoughts from earlier enter his mind. He pushes his head further into the slightly fluffy, mostly stiff pillow hoping to get comfortable. He sighs in defeat, knowing that it wasn't possible, at least not with Zayn on his mind. Liam looks at the other bed seeing Harry's mop of curls across his pillow and a bright light shine onto the lads face. He decides to bother the boy with his thoughts since he was still awake,"Harry?" he calls out softly.

Harry pulls his phone down and shifts looking over at Liam,"Yeah?"

"When did you know that you loved Louis?" He hopes he's not prying too much into Harry's love life with Louis, especially since it was now nonexistent. Any other time, Liam wouldn't hesitate or regret asking what he just did, but as the silence grows between them, he starts to worry. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No, its okay," Harry says waving it off even though Liam most likely wouldn't be able to see it. "I still remember the moment I realized, as clear as day," he says. And by the way Harry starts of his story, Liam is reassured that they'll get back together, because they love each other too much. He can tell by the way Harry let in a shaky breath before he spoke, or by how fresh and crisp he talked about the moment like it was yesterday. And the way he spoke Louis' name wasn't hateful or bitter like he's been doing lately. It was filled with love and passion, and Liam's sure he'd see the same thing in those green eyes of his. 

Harry finishes off his story with a long release of breath. Liam digs his head a little deeper into the pillow,"Why don't you get your boy back?" 

Harry shrugs,"Too much pride. And the things I said that night, they're not something I can really take back..."

"So don't,...own up and go from there. You can't dance around the situation like you want to Harry. You and Louis were made for each other," Liam says softly. 

"I don't know how, we've been a mess since X factor." 

"But would you rather have the mess you've made, than nothing at all."

Harry nods before he realizes there in pitch black and mumbles a soft,"yes." Liam smiles at that knowing he's gotten through to the boy. "So what guy has you thinking about love?" he says wiggling his eyebrows. "You probably can't see...but i'm wiggling my brows at you."

Liam chuckles softly,"How do you know it's a guy?" 

"Because I have an idea on who it might be."

Liam sighs as he goes to lay on his side,"I don't know how I feel about Zayn. I mean of course I love him, but that kind of love is different, and its starting to fade."

Harry whistles,"Wow. Here i'll say this, stop yourself before it's too late. But if it is, love him with all you've got, nobody can take the way you feel about him from you. Not even Zayn." 

"Not even Louis...for you right? You love him with everything you have and whatever happened between you two, he still can't take away the way you feel about him..." 

Harry sighs deeply,"Yeah, yeah he can't." 

Liam thinks back to what Louis said, about Harry just suddenly getting tired. About Harry not wanting to work things out anymore. He pouts,"Why'd you give up on Louis?"

Harry laughs at the question but it's more menacingly than genuine,"Louis gave up on me." Liam's so shocked by the answer he turns his body around so he's facing a painting of a random scenery. He thinks he's heard enough about Louis and Harry for the night. 

Next day, Perrie leaves and Zayn comes knocking on Liam and Harry's door. Liam turns around to look at Harry and sees the boy looking back at him. He sighs standing up and walking over to the door opening, surprised but not much when he sees Zayn.

"You're up early," the tired boy says rubbing his eyes.

Zayn nodded sighing,"Yeah I um, Perrie had to go," he says running a hand through his hair. And Liam knows whatever Zayn has bottled up can't be good because he looks stressed and he's doing his nervous hand running through hair motions.

"What is it?" Liam says with a beating heart and curious eyes.

Zayn shakes his head before running his hands over his face. He drops them to his sides and looks Liam straight in the face,"I can't do this anymore." 

Liam feels his heart drop to his stomach and his cheeks heat up with sadness,"Feeling guilty?" 

Zayn nods,"And, I should, because what were doing, it isn't right Li, and I never should've dragged you into this-"

"You didn't drag me Zayn, I was willingly following you with this decision. If you want it to end again, it can end. I won't make you feel guilty for doing the right thing," he says leaning against the door frame. 

Zayn smiles,"You're too good for me Liam, way to good for me," he says. And Liam wants to ask what that even means, because Liam knows Zayn's a great guy with so much more to him that even Liam thinks he doesn't understand. But he won't ask because he's going to let things be, he's going to let Zayn walk away because he's going to stop himself before it's too late.

"So this time is it for good?" Liam asks because he's heard this before, which makes you think he'd be numb to it all. But Liam isn't and it hurts just as much, maybe more, because Liam thought it'd be different this time.

Zayn nods looking up at Liam sadly,"Mates again?"

Liam nods,"Mates again." 

Once Zayn leaves to go keep Louis and Niall company, Liam plops back onto his bed and faces Harry. 

Harry gives Liam a sad look,"there are other fishes out there."

Liam laughs stuffing his face into a pillow. He knows there will be other people, but at this moment, Liam only wants Zayn. 

Niall sets his pool stick down as Louis steps up to take his turn,"So what really went down between you and Harry?"

Louis aims his stick at the white ball,"I accused him of cheating," he says bluntly as he watches the balls dart around the table but go everywhere but in the holes. 

"I'm sorry, you did what?" Zayn says knowing he must've heard wrong.

Louis rolls his eyes,"Oh, save it. I accused him of cheating because something in L.A. must be really catching his attention. So I asked him what bloke it was, and if I knew him. Or maybe if it was some girl I never met. And of course he got pissed, and broke up with me." 

Niall grabs his pool stick and smacks Louis' bum with it causing the boy to shriek and turn around shooting daggers at Niall. "You asked Harry, the most loyal dude we know, that loves you with all his heart if he cheated?" he whispers wide eyed. 

Louis rolls his eyes,"He's not some angel. Plus even the nicest, sweetest, most down to Earth guys cheat," he says with a shrug but the two boys knew it was hurting Louis more than he let on. 

"Do you really think he's cheating though Lou? Really?" Zayn says trying to meet Louis' eyes with his own.

Louis sets down the stick and sits on the table, his feet dangly off of it,"No, but I said it to hurt him. And I did just that, and he left me. I deserved it anyways huh?" 

Niall nods as Zayn shakes his head and elbows the boy"Why haven't you apologized if you knew you were in the wrong?"

"Because he already hates me, and I have too much pride." Zayn nods in agreement and doesn't force it because he knows how that is.

"We all know he could never hate you," Niall says laughing a bit. "Harry's so whipped for you, he's like the cream!" Niall laughs as Zayn looks at the blonde boy embarrassingly as Louis makes a face of disgust. 

"Niall that joke was fucking terrible!"

The Irish lad stops laughing and frowns,"I'm so under-appreciated in this band." 

Later that day the boys relax and stay in all day since they didn't have a show. Liam decides it's his turn to throughly hang out with Louis. The two haven't done that in ages, which means, since Harry and Louis broke up and Zayn and Liam started whatever they just ended.

"I call this one, Fuck Harry Styles," Louis says chest puffed out with his legs crossed on Harry's bed. However, to Louis it's Liam's bed. The boy had instantly thrown himself onto that bed unconsciously, and Liam didn't have the heart or the time to let Louis know he flung himself onto his ex's bed. Louis starts the song immediately by saying,"Fuck Harry Styles," and thats already enough for Liam.

"Tommo, tell me this. If you're the one that did Harry dirty, why are you so angry?" He says pushing away his song journal. The older boy on the other bed goes quiet instantly, which is a new for Louis. 

His head hangs low as his eyes fall to his lap, "I'll be honest with you Li," he whispers almost as if its not just him and Liam in the room. "I'm really hating myself right now. For being stupid, for saying stupid things. I guess Harry's my punching bag for making me hate myself, for making me feel shitty for what I said to him," and the lump in Louis' throat feels way to big, and he thinks he'll stop breathing any minute.

"Lou..."

But he shakes his head and continues,"I'm afraid Liam. One day he'll realize, he can do so much better. That sounds pathetic I know," he laughs bitterly. "But it's so grossly true. We're complicated, and it always bothered me that one day it'd be too much for him, and he'd leave me. So I decided, why don't I just do it now, that way it'll hurt less than it would later on."

"That's selfish of you," Liam says quietly. That makes Louis laugh, because that's such a Liam thing to say. Such a Liam thing to do, scold a best friend who's on the verge of crying, but Louis doesn't blame him. 

"Yeah, and guess what."

"What?"

"It hurt like hell. I'm sure what i'm feeling now, would hurt as much as it would've later on." 

Liam doesn't know what to say, so he sits there in silence racking his brain of things and comforting words to say.

"I want him back Liam," Louis says throat tight and voice distraught. "I want the messiness, I want the complications. I try to act like i'm fine without it all but i'm not. I want Harry, I want him so bad," he says as tears slide down his cheeks. 

Liam gets up from his side of the room and walks over to where Louis is sat. He wraps a shoulder around his smaller frame and pulls the boy in. "He wants you too, Louis. He told me. It's time for both of you to strip away your pride and come home to each other." Louis nods, forehead pressed to Liam's chest, and eyes soaking tears into the boy's shirt. 

After that incident Liam spends the rest of the day alone. He wasn't avoiding Zayn, the guy just didn't pop into his room to see him, and maybe secretly thats what he hoped for. Niall most likely figured Liam was in a mood if he wasn't seen outside of his hotel room. As for Louis and Harry, well, Louis left once his eyes looked less puffy, and was never heard from again, while Harry never returned from his gym session. 

"Well don't you two look cozy," Zayn says walking onto the tour bus the next day, after their show. His top is off showing his tab abs dripping with sweat. Liam's sat next to Louis and Harry on the couch trying to keep from drooling. 

"We made up," Harry says grinning from ear to ear. He grips at Louis' thigh before leaning over to kiss him long and slow.

Zayn shakes his head, but he's smiling. He takes a seat next to Liam on the couch and wraps an arm around the boy's shoulder. Liam tries really hard not to tense up at the faint smell of cigarettes, sweat and gucci cologne. Those smells couldn't possibly mix well, but it's Zayn's scent, and Liam loves it. 

It's been a day since Liam and Zayn were close, since they kissed, since they touched each other. And frankly Liam doesn't know if he can stand it. So he tries to feel the void. First its hookups, taking them up to his empty hotel room. Then it's groupies, girls he's seen too many times and girls who've sucked him off way too much. And then it's Sophia. They've been dating for two months now, and Liam likes the way she devotes her time to him. He also likes the way she makes him feel physically. He likes that he can lose himself in her, and forget about Zayn. He doesn't see the boy much these days, and he wonders if Zayn hurts too, hurts just as much as Liam does some days. Liam hates hurting Zayn, but he's also tired of letting himself get hurt. So he lets Sophia stay with them for days, even weeks to forget about Zayn. And sometimes Liam thinks he sees jealousy and sadness in those Hazel eyes, but as much as it pains him, he ignores it. 

He's laying down in bed one night trying to remember that last time he actually had a thought out conversation with Zayn. He cuts that short though when he starts thinking about the next time Sophia can visit. That also gets cut short when theres a soft knock on the door. And its Zayn, he just knows it. Niall's out with friends, and Harry and Louis are too wrapped up in themselves to notice anyone else but themselves. He stays laid in bed wondering wether to open the door or not. He decides to when he registers just how much he misses Zayn. 

Zayn looks up at him with those beautiful Hazel eyes of his,"Can I come in?"

Liam nods opening the door wider for him and Zayn immediately goes to sit on the bed. Liam follows after him, except he decides it's better if he stands. He swallows before speaking,"what is it Zayn?"

"I want you Liam. No matter how many times I tell myself I can't have you, I still want you," he says running a hand through his hair roughly. "God I want you so bad." 

The younger boy can't help but to feel himself become frozen in his spot. Of all the things he could've imagined for Zayn to say, it wasn't that. And now Liam really wants to cry because he really wants Zayn, and he's missed everything about him. The wall he built up to keep the boy out starts to slowly falter before it all comes crashing down. And the next thing he knows, he's in Zayn's arms, the ones that make his heart race faster, but also the ones that calm him down. They hug it out, long and tightly pressed together. And Liam's heart starts to settle a touch, because as friends they've made up. And when they kiss, long and slow, he knows they've made up in that way too. 

"It's your first time right?" Zayn says in a hushed voice. What he's saying is code for, you haven't been going around letting guys fuck have you? And Zayn smiles brightly down at Liam when a small 'yes' escapes the boy's lips. He kisses his plump lips before tugging down on Liam's lower lip. And the way Liam is looking at Zayn right now makes his heart beat three times faster, because the boy's eyes are soft and glassy, almost as if he's looking at Zayn dream-like. "I'm gonna treat you so good Liam, better than I have for a long time now," he whispers. And Zayn's crying now, right into Liam's shoulder. He doesn't know if it's because of the way he's treated Liam, or if it's because he knows the way he feels for Liam is something he's been trying to ignore for months. All Zayn knows is he's seriously fucked. 

"Zee," Liam whispers, and that's always something that makes Zayn feel better, so Liam repeats it as his fingers find their way to Zayn's thick black hair. His chest starts to tighten and Liam feels like breathing is getting too hard. And he starts to think of how it usually gets like that around Zayn. He always feels like he's being stripped of air, and like his heart is trying to claw it's way out of Liam's chest. And it hurts, but not as much as it hurts being away from Zayn. Then it hits him hard, in this moment, with Zayn letting hot tears hit his shoulder, that he loves Zayn. And he's loved Zayn for months now, and even though he's tried to stop himself from letting that happen, he realizes it was too late anyways. So Liam cries too, if you can call it that. It's more so just a few tears slipping through the cracks. 

Zayn stays the night with Liam, held in each others embrace. 

Things should be good between them, and they are but Zayn doesn't touch Liam, not for too long at least. The younger starts to wonder if it's because they were finally really intimate, but he couldn't see why that would change anything. He shrugs off the thoughts though because him and Zayn are fine, at least he hopes. 

Weeks pass and Liam sees no change. They haven't been intimate since that time Liam realized he loved Zayn. He wonders if the boy noticed how Liam smiles wider at him, how his eyes are glazed over with infatuation. He wonders if he's seen all of that and got turned off. He was sure that night with Zayn, things would start to be different, but not like this. It would be different for the better. But Liam takes what he can get from Zayn, and thats friendly conversation, nothing more and nothing less. 

It's when they're over break, when Liam decides to confront Zayn. He shows up randomly at Zayn's place one day because Wolverhampton isn't too far from Bradford; and Perrie was in another country. When Zayn see's him he's surprised, but also worried. He ushers Liam in without a word anyways. Liam scans the living room seeing the same things he's seen last time he was here; not much. He sits on the couch with Zayn soon tagging behind him,"What's up"

Liam lets out a deep sigh before replying,"If it was over, why didn't you say anything?" And he doesn't say it angrily but out of actual curiosity. However, the sudden question still has Zayn wide-eyed and speechless. He's about to speak but Liam opens his mouth before him. The younger boy swallows hard, feeling his heart pounding in his chest at what he's about to say. Another deep breath is let loose,"I hope this isn't too much to say or too fast to say. But I've been feeling this way for months now..." he scans Zayn's face and notices he looks both intrigued and fearful. He continues anyway,"This is really nerve wrecking to say, but Zayn...I...uh...I love you. Yeah it seems ridiculous, but i've thought about it. I thought about it a lot actually and i've reached the conclusion that I love you." Liam looks up at Zayn's face to see his reaction and his hope instantly vanishes. The boy in front of him was looking at him with the deepest and largest frown he's ever seen. 

Zayn shakes his head looking away and towards the tv. He bites his lip harshly,"I wish I could say I felt the same."

And Liam has tears in his eyes that haven't ran down his cheeks yet and Zayn's heart constricts because this is fucked up. He knows he loves Liam, and he knows how bad he wants to reassure him that he feels the same. What he knows most though, is that he really needed to clean up the mess he's made; and this is him doing it. 

"But, I-I thought..." Liam breathes out.

"You thought wrong..."

"We, we had chemistry. We were so loving, and touchy. The things we did, that night we spent together for that last time," he sobs out. He didn't mean to sound so pathetic and hopeless, but he does. And he really wishes he wasn't sat here crying violently into his hands in front of someone so nonchalant. 

"Forget it Liam. There's no use thinking about it all, it won't do you any good. It's best if you forget it," he says quietly. 

As much as it kills Liam, he sucks in a harsh breathe to stop his sobbing and stands up. He releases one last shaky deep breath,"I guess I should be going now." 

Liam doesn't talk to Zayn again for that whole break. 

A month later, he's arrives to rehearsal feeling overwhelmingly anxious and miserable. All of the boys turn to him instantly,"Hey, you made it just in time for Zayn's announcement,"'Harry says with worried eyes and a somber tome. Liam nods trying to look less affected by Zayn's presence once he takes notice of him. He has to admit, his heart dropped at the sight of him, and when their eyes met, he really wanted to puke on his brand new high tops. 

Zayn watches Liam as he slowly walks over to the other boys, who are all facing him. He nods knowing he needs to spill what he's been meaning to say. He takes in a breath and releases,"I'm engaged!" 

"Oh Malik you're fucked!" Niall and Louis say in unison.


End file.
